January 16, 2008
Idol whispers

Where does the time go?

Blogging is funny business. You're in the zone -- or you have a job that requires 0.4 percent of your brain function -- and you're churning out copy at a Stephen King pace. But then you miss a day, or a week, or a month, and boy it's hard to get back in the mood.

You know it's bad when your mother e-mails you, wondering just when the hell you're going to post something new.

My problem, I fear, is that after three years of blogging, I just can't write silly crap any more. Once upon a time, I posted a few paragraphs about building Ikea furniture and figured I was genius. I superimposed Twinkies over a close-up of my red eye and waited for the Pulitzer. I wrote about mismatched socks, which I think makes me Dave Berry.

But when you've been off the horse for more than a month, you just have to get back on that stallion.

And just like my last hiatus, American Idol brings me back to you.

Evidence A: Unfortunate contestant's pre-interview:


Evidence B: Unfortunate contestant's audition:


Evidence C: Unfortunate contestant's post-interview:


Now, I know that reality TV is about as real as any emotion I've shown since 1998, but c'mon.

Could it be that some auditions require multiple takes to make for better television?

This Deep Throat whispers, "Follow the earrings."

posted by F-AF @ 06:03 PM on 01.16.08
Comments

You really need to get back to serious blogging: you didn't even post a link to a video of this unfortunate contestant!

Posted by: Jujupiter | January 16, 2008 06:27 PM

Now, I watched this episode, and I remember this contestant. If you're looking merely at these stills, well, I think the earrings are there in all three pictures. Her left earring is just turned such that it is perpendicular to the camera and it's thin enough that you can't see it in the still, but if you look at her earlobe it appears that there is an earring there.

Or is that not at all what you're looking at?

Posted by: Cindy | January 16, 2008 08:17 PM

Wow -- I hate to be a jack ass, but I have checked your blog every day for nearly a month, and this is the best you have to offer? Where is the biting satire, the sharp political commentary -- hell, what happened with the wax-on-your-coat guy? I must confess, FAF, I do not blog myself so I know not the pressures and strain of writer's block but, babe, really -- this post was NOT what your legion of followers was waiting for... Sorry to be such an unappreciative bitch...

Posted by: Tim | January 16, 2008 09:45 PM

We can only imagine what you did and we know who you are.

And after leaving us on meat hooks for almost a month -- which, by the way, covered two official holidays without so much was a Happy Holidays or a Merry New Year from you -- we want photos of your Brazilian wax job!

XOXOXOX
The Somnabulists

We're the queens in your closet
The self you disown
And we're out there alone to betray you.
You don't know where we're walking
You can't stop us from talking
And everybody's watching

Posted by: The Somnabulists | January 17, 2008 07:26 AM

At least your mama cares . . .

The best I ever got after not writing home for a while was a typed memo from my father stating

"...ever since you left home your mother has noticed that a pound of butter lasts the whole family for a week!"

Fortunately he didn't mention my toilet paper consumption.

ANYWAY, WELCOME BACK. YOU WERE MISSED !

Posted by: GreenBananas | January 17, 2008 10:17 AM

I know I've dished out some stern sentiments in the past, but that was serious stuff, not your blogging. Evidently hating to be a jack-ass and failing to be one are entirely unrelated.

The Idol problem is a simple one though. Very dense, massive objects are known to bend light around themselves, causing an observable distortion. The earrings are jst acting as gravity lenses.

Posted by: justjohn | January 17, 2008 02:27 PM

Please correct my misspelling of "just" if you have time...

Posted by: justjohn | January 17, 2008 02:28 PM

Well, here is one bitter, bitchy, and sarcastic elitist happy to have you back. You are seriously only one of 4 blogs that I read, so please don't spend so much time away next time. Ciao!

Posted by: Chase | January 20, 2008 04:47 AM

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